If you’re asking yourself what you should do with your life, the first thing I want to say is that this is normal.
It’s a question nearly everyone faces at some point in their life. Often at multiple points in their life!
And it’s an important question to ask yourself. It means that you care about your life and feel ready to seize the reigns. That you sense an untapped potential inside of you.
But it often also means that you're feeling lost, paralyzed, or frustrated. And perhaps you’re sick of feeling lost, paralyzed, or frustrated.
I understand. I worked in HR for over two decades and I never loved my work. Frankly, I thought people who said, "I love my job" were smoking something.
But I had a BBA in HR and a MBA in HR. I felt like I had sunk too much time and money into this field to leave. It wasn't until I landed at a company working next to the CEO on the top floor of a high rise looking down on a beautiful lake with my EA sitting outside that I finally couldn't fake it anymore.
I had to admit that I couldn’t do this much longer. And I had to start asking myself, “What do I really want to do with my life?”
As luck would have it, one day, my company offered me a sweet deal to leave. And although I was annoyed it was on their timing, I was relieved. I finally had the space to look at my actual life desires square in the eye. I took the leap into starting a career coaching business and writing books. I haven’t looked back since, and I can finally say that I love my job.
I want to share with you what I've learned from my own journey of finding direction in my life, and the valuable insights I’ve learned from coaching over four thousand individuals who were wrestling with this same question.
By the end of this article, I hope you’ll understand why you’re stuck and have a clear next step to help you figure out what to do with your life.
The Reason You Don’t Know What to Do With Your Life
There is not one singular reason why people feel uncertain of what to do with their lives. In fact, I’ve found 7 primary reasons as to why people feel stuck in their life and career.
In this article, I’ll go through each reason, and give you actionable ideas to get out of it.
You might be stuck due to just one reason, or it could be multiple reasons holding you down.
I’d recommend skimming through the whole article, and homing in on which reasons feel like they really resonate with your situation.
At the end of this article, I’ll share with you a resource on how to get further support in figuring your life out if you need it.
Here are the 7 reasons:
You’re Waiting for Certainty Before You Take Action
You’re Afraid of What Others Will Think
You Need More Life Experience
You’re Paralyzed Because You Don’t Know How to Get There
You Haven’t Asked Yourself the Right Questions
You are Burnt Out and Disconnected from Yourself
You’re Afraid to Commit
Reason #1: You’re Waiting for Certainty Before You Take Action
This is when you’re not taking any action because you don’t know the final role you’re meant to do. You’re hoping that a map of your life will fall out of the sky and land on your lap.
But here’s the harsh truth: if you don’t take any action until you have perfect certainty, then you could be stagnant for the rest of your life.
And here is the secret known by those who live in a state of flow and momentum: clarity comes after taking action.
As entrepreneur Marie Forleo says, “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.”
It’s like you’re standing at the foot of a river. You see no way across. But if you take a small step, a stone will appear. Once you land on that stone, the next will appear. Once you step to that stone, the next will appear. But it starts with a small step.
Your Homework: Take action! Do something to create forward motion. There’s no perfect action to take here—just anything that gives you more information.
Here are some ideas:
Take an online course
Embark on a creative project
Conduct five informational interviews with people who have cool-sounding jobs
Journal about all of the jobs you’ve loved and why
Ask ChatGPT, “Describe a day in the life of a [insert job title that interests you]”
See where these activities lead you.
Reason #2 You’re Afraid of What Others Will Think
In this case, you kinda know what you want to do. Or at least you have inspiration around the next step. But you are scared of putting yourself out there, messing up, and facing embarrassment.
And I get it. It's intensely vulnerable to shift career paths, write a book, or start a company.
Many people know deep down in their gut what they should be doing but they're afraid because it just isn't sexy.
I had one client who worked as the VP of Operations for his father's multi-million dollar business. He knew, deep down he wanted to be a change management trainer. But was afraid of what people would think of him and that stopped him from pursuing his dream.
It wasn't until I encouraged him to consider being a change management consultant for a big consulting firm did he see that it could look sexy enough. That is when he told his dad about his career goals and found a consulting job. Now he is sooooo happy.
Here’s another truth: you need to be more motivated to be happy than to do what others think you should do.
What I’ve learned is that when you go for the scary thing you want over and over again, eventually, you’ll look back one day and realize you’ve really gotten somewhere.
Your Homework: If you have an idea of a step forward that you want to take, but you feel afraid of failure, embarrassment, or messing up, then just go for it!
This could even be a high-visibility opportunity at work that makes you nervous but could help you grow.
Don't wait until you feel ready, because you never will. You just have to figure out how to get yourself to do the thing and put your name forward.
Maybe give yourself a deadline. Or ask a friend for accountability. Or hire a coach.
Reason #3 You Need More Life Experience
In some cases, you don’t know what to do with your life because you haven’t experienced enough.
There are some people who know from day 1 that they want to be a lawyer, or an entrepreneur, or a teacher. But that’s the exception.
Most of us aren’t born knowing the end destination. We figure it out as we go.
Life is a messy and approximate stumble in the general direction of forward. You try something. You don’t like it. But you learn a little bit about what you like. Then you try something else.
Eventually, with enough experience and bold moves forward, you’ll find that you actually know yourself pretty well. You know what makes you tick, what lifestyle you thrive in, and what problems you’ll take a stand for.
Your Homework: Get out there and get some new experiences. Here are some ideas.
If you don’t like your job, get a new one. Maybe even a totally different type of job.
Volunteer. Teach kids to read, or trim flowers at a city park, or spend time with people on their deathbed.
Take classes and get some additional education. Join an online cohort to learn about digital marketing. Or take a 6-week improv comedy course. Or audit a class on gender studies at your local university.
Reason #4 You’re Paralyzed Because You Don’t Know How to Get There
Some people do have a sense of their career aspirations and what they want in life. But they are stuck in the mud because they don’t know how to get to their destination, so they take no action at all.
It’s like you have a treasure map. You see the “you are here,” and you see the “X” to get to. But there’s no dotted line connecting the two.
It can be a painful situation when you know what you want, but every evening you watch yourself numb out on Netflix, not getting any closer to your goal.
Will Smith has some great advice here:
You don’t set out to build a wall. You don't say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.’ You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall.
Just point yourself in the general direction of where you want to go. And take some small action. Keep doing that. And over time, you’ll get closer and closer.
Your Homework: Only focus on your next step.
Your next step might be:
Spend 30 minutes doing research on Google
Set up an informational interview with someone who has a job in the general field you’re interested in
Spend a day shadowing someone at their job
For more ideas on bite-sized actions, consider working with a career coach who can give you the exact action steps you need.
Reason #5: You Haven’t Asked Yourself the Right Questions
For this one, it can be helpful to think of life as a video game.
Stay with me here.
In this video game, you’re given a particular character. And the goal of the game is to learn what makes that character happy and then build a life and career based on that.
If you don’t yet know what makes your character happy, then you’ll build a life that doesn’t fit your character. Or you’ll try to send your character on career quests built for other characters.
So to figure out what to do with your life, potentially the most important thing is to understand your character and what makes them happy. To find your version of success.
It’s going to take looking inward. But if you’re willing to ask yourself the right questions and be honest with yourself, then you’ll soon be on the right track to creating a meaningful life and career.
Your Homework: Get out a pen and paper or a Google Doc and answer the following questions. If writing gets you frozen, you can also do this in a voice note on your phone.
What activities (whether at work or not) have made you lose track of time? Even if just for a few minutes. What was it about those activities that you enjoyed?
This question can identify which activities put you in a flow state. These can often be a clue about your passions.
What topics could you read about or watch videos about forever and never get bored? What about those topics are so interesting to you?
This question helps uncover your natural curiosities, which can be a huge compass toward a fulfilling life and career.
What’s one issue in the world that breaks your heart? What about it breaks your heart? And what does this suggest that you care about?
Our world has lots of problems. And each of us is drawn to helping in different ways. If you can figure out which causes call to you, then you can help clarify what gives you purpose.
What’s a goal or dream you deeply want but feel afraid to pursue? It could relate to your career, creativity, or stepping into a leadership role.
This question can unearth desires that are blocked from plain sight by fear. Often, the desires we are most afraid of are the most important.
If you inherited 3 billion dollars from a relative, and you never had to work again, how would you spend your time trying to be helpful?
So many of us bury our hopes just to pay the bills. By removing this massive constraint, it can open you up to what you care about.
If you’d like some more thought-provoking questions, here’s a comprehensive article that’ll help you understand what you want out of your career.
Reason #6: You are Burnt Out and Disconnected from Yourself
The general formula for burnout is that you’re working way too much (often motivated by a need to prove yourself), not taking enough time for yourself, and perhaps you’re not getting properly compensated with pay or recognition.
To tell if you are burnt out, here are some common symptoms:
Physically exhausted
Too emotionally drained to deal with problems in your life
Cynicism or frustration toward work or coworkers
No energy for concentration or creativity
You’re dropping balls in other parts of your life
You feel directionless
Trouble with sleep
Body aches, headaches, and sickness
When you’re burnt out, you feel terrible. You can’t tap into your dreams or your purpose because you are exhausted and disconnected from yourself.
It’s like asking someone how they want to spend their weekend when they are running on a treadmill that’s moving way too fast, and they can’t get off.
Your Homework: Take a vacation that’s just for you. Step off the treadmill. Don’t plan a trip where you have to take care of family. Carve out time just for yourself. Even if it’s just a weekend, or just a single day.
If you can afford it, maybe stay at a retreat where all of your meals are taken care of. Then you can really just relax and return to yourself.
Once you have a little space from work, life, and responsibilities, you may find enough clarity to see your next steps.
Here’s a helpful resource that can help you figure out how to recover from burnout without quitting your job.
Reason #7 You’re Afraid to Commit
Have you ever heard the tragic story of the fig tree by Sylvia Plath?
In the story, a woman finds a fig tree and sees an abundance of plump, purple figs. In one fig, she sees a life with a husband and kids. In another fig, she sees herself as a famous poet. In another fig, she travels the world. And so forth.
Eventually, she finds herself “sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because [she] couldn't make up [her] mind which of the figs [she] would choose.
[She] wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as [she] sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at [her] feet.”
This is a poetic account of what happens when we never commit.
Just like the lady from this story, there are countless amazing lives you could create for yourself. You could be a rockstar entrepreneur. You could become a devoted therapist. You could move to a beach and surf all day. But if you don’t pick one of these career routes, then you’ll achieve none of them.
There’s no one right answer to which of these career trajectories to pick. So you can take the pressure off of picking the “perfect” one. A lot of these potential career paths and career choices will be awesome. And any of them is better than none.
Your Homework: Pick one thing to explore for a set time limit.
Putting a time limit can calm your uncertainties. Because here’s the good news—you actually can do quite a lot. But you can’t do it all at once. Just one thing at a time.
So give yourself 30 days to wholeheartedly pursue a singular interest. Or maybe give yourself a year to pursue a new career path without questioning it.
Pick a time window and a path to explore.
Try Enlisting Some Support
If you’re still not entirely sure how to proceed, consider reaching out for some professional career guidance.
Working with a life coach or a career coach can honestly be life-changing. A coach can help you find direction and march toward your life or career goal.
The elixir to this alchemy comes down to love. “What do you love?” is a wonderful start, but the harder measure is "Do you love yourself enough to build the life that makes you happy?" Self-love. Finding love. Living love. Building a life that is heaven on earth. Many don't even attempt it because they don't feel like they deserve it. That is the key to this all.
It’s not always easy to do, and that’s where professional support can help dramatically.
If you think a career coach could be a good fit, you can schedule a job search analysis. In this 60-minute session, we'll map out your career goals and identify your strengths and limitations. Together, we'll assess your readiness for your dream job and create a plan to overcome any obstacles of getting there.
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